'Tis the Season to Be STRESSED

I love Christmas. I always have. I love the magic of believing in something. I love the snow. I love celebrating traditions. I love spending time with my family. But as I have become an adult, gotten married, and had children, I also have come to realize how much stress and work goes along with the holidays.

Christmas as an adult definitely is a lot more stressful than I had ever anticipated. I still love all of the traditions and the magic of the holiday season but I couldn't help but feel a little overwhelmed this year. There's a lot of pressure to make sure your kids have the "perfect" Christmas experience. There's the baking, the gift purchasing and wrapping. The trip to see Santa Claus and preparations for family and friend get togethers. Christmas cards to get out (which will be late because I put them in the mail on the 23rd), groceries to buy and food to make for the big day. And in the midst of this, trying to teach my 3 and 5-year-olds what the true meaning of Christmas is. No pressure!

I was reading one of my favorite Christmas stories to Livi the other night. It's called "Mooseltoe" and it's about a dad who tries to create the perfect Christmas for his family but forgets to get a Christmas tree. In the end, he finds a solution that's not "perfect" but is pretty close. As I finished reading it, I thought about how much pressure we put on ourselves during the holiday season. Traditions and activities that are supposed to be fun and be part of that "perfect" Christmas turn into disasters because I'm overstressed and short on patience. I'm pretty sure when I was baking sugar cookies with my kids a couple of weeks ago I was yelling at them after about 10 minutes of their "help." It made me so angry at myself that I projected my stress onto them.

So, with all the stress leading up to the holidays, I was expecting Christmas to be stressful as well. I'm not going to lie. I was getting a little short with my kids while I was trying to bathe and dress them and myself for church but the conversation on the way into church dissipated the stress I was feeling and changed the whole mood of the season. We were discussing how we were celebrating Jesus' birthday and a heated debate between Livi and Will ensued about whether Jesus was a boy or girl...Will thinks he's a girl which most likely has something to do with the fact that the statue of Jesus at church has long hair and is wearing a "dress." I couldn't help but laugh at the kids' conversation and how seriously they were arguing their sides, and then at myself for getting so caught up in all this holiday frenzy. I decided it was time for me to chill out and just enjoy this time with my family.

And I really did, after mass we came home for pizza (a Primrose tradition), opened a present, and then enjoyed an evening playing games, reading stories and preparing for Santa's arrival. Livi left a bag of toys by the door they had collected from their room for Santa to take to other boys and girls. She was very giving while Will needed a little persuasion. He kept trying to give away Livi's toys and stuffed his footie pajamas clear full of toys he was afraid would get taken away from him. Maybe next year...

At bedtime the kids convinced me to let them lay in our bed. I laid between them and it was hard not getting caught up in their excitement as they talked and giggled about their anticipation for the next day. Livi fell asleep and as Will calmed down he grabbed my face and said, "You're the best mommy in the world!" Ok, so he's not extremely giving but he is incredibly sweet.

Of course the excitement was contagious again today as the kids woke up and raced downstairs. Will's face was absolutely priceless as he spied the workbench he requested. Livi got her pogo stick and loved it even though she wasn't able to use it yet. They loved their gifts and we enjoyed spending time with them playing games and with their toys all day long. Even Lexi seemed to be enjoying the day and let us hear some of her giggles for the first time.

So, I may have failed to make Christmas "perfect". My Christmas cards are late, my house was not perfectly clean, and I'm pretty sure we were in our pajamas all day long but I got to spend Christmas at home with my three kids and husband (plus parents and brother) just hanging out and playing with toys all day. I truly enjoyed my children and that is what made my Christmas perfect.


As I look back on the past month, I feel relieved that we are over the craziness of the holiday season and that I can relax and enjoy my kids again. As look back at the past two days, I wish time would stand still and we could experience this feeling every day of the year...the excitement and the enthusiasm of the season. I need to write a memo to myself around the middle of November 2013...Don't stress. Enjoy your kids and the magic of the season. Be thankful for all God has given you. Maybe that note will help me take it day by day and remember I don't need all of that craziness to make my Christmas perfect enough.

Wherefore art thou belly button?

I'm 3 months post baby and my belly button is still unrecognizable. Of course I can now see it which is a good thing but I keep wondering if it will ever return to that perfect little innie that Dr. Weideman created 32 years ago.

When you get pregnant you expect your body to change but you are silly enough to expect to look like the maternity models with a cute little basketball bump and no weight gain in other part of your body. Newsflash: I'm pretty sure none of those maternity models are really pregnant :) The harsh reality is your face swells, your butt gets big, and your fingers and/or toes may turn into fat little sausages.

And for some reason, you are naieve enough to think that as soon as the baby comes out your stomach it will miraculously shrink back to your pre-pregnancy tummy. The baby came out so there should be nothing left, right? The reality is you'll still look 4 months pregnant after the baby is born and have this jiggly pouch with a crater (formerly known as your belly button) in the middle of it.

As I said, I'm 3 months out and slowly my crater has again turned into an innie of some sort. But it's stretched out into a mishapen circle with wrinkly, raisin like skin around it. The dark line that showed up lengthwise down the middle of my stomach in the last month of pregnancy is still there, too, and I'm trying to remember how long it took to fade back to normal colored skin after I had my son. I think it was close to 6 months. I know, it's a pleasant image but us moms know this is the reality of a post baby body.

I wish the belly button was the worst part of it. I don't think my hips will ever be the same. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with one 7 1/2 and two 8 1/2 pound babies being pushed through the birth canal. I have to admit I did enjoy my pregnant breast swellage at times and my nursing breasts can look great when they are full of milk but they are sore most of the time and leak a little every now and then...sexy, eh? The worst part is when you are done nursing and they hang there like deflated balloons. I have the same cup size as before, I just have to roll them up to sit in the bra cups.

I know my body has changed and I'm happy to have three beautiful children to show for it. It's just frustrating trying to get back into shape especially when you are just trying to survive most days. I'm hoping that with enough diet, exercise, push-up bras, and Spanx I can look almost as good as I did before having my kids!

Goodbye Baby

I've been dreading this day since before Lexi was born. It is "First Day Back to Work" eve and I'm having a hard time facing the fact that I'm actually going to have to set my alarm tonight so that I can wake up to pure craziness as I try to get myself and three kids ready for work/school/daycare.

Lexi apparently has some sort of sixth sense that her world is going to be rocked tomorrow because as I'm scampering around the house laying out clothes, packing bags, etc., she is screaming bloody murder for half an hour while my husband tries to comfort her. After getting thing in order I take her from my husband and she immediately stops crying and nuzzles into my neck. Those sweet snuggles are what I'm going to miss most tomorrow. After feeding her, giving her a bath, and dressing her for bed I hand her over to Brad again and the screaming ensues. I get her back and she's asleep in about 5 minutes. I have to say that I did get some sick satisfaction that tonight she chose me over him.

So everyone is tucked in and ready for a new day but I sit here feeling a little sad and overwhelmed of what's to come. Of course I felt a little of this when I returned to work after the other two but it seems a little worse this time. I've been contemplating this over the past few weeks and the only reason I can come up with is we have decided this will be it. Our final child. And although I knew this going into my pregnancy I have to admit I feel like I am mourning every little thing as Lexi grows.

The first thing was Lexi's birth. I was extremely ready to have her. I had been having terrible back pain for the last month and was ready to meet our new baby. But at the moment I delivered her a complete and utter sadness overcame me (no, I don't think it was postpartum). I felt so empty. It was a feeling I don't remember feeling with the other two because of the excitement of finding out whether we just had a boy or girl and of meeting our new baby. But this time was different. I literally felt empty as I pushed her out. I felt like I had been hollowed out and that a part of me was missing. I also felt a bit of a panic as the realization came over me that their would never be someone growing and moving around inside of me again and I will truly miss that.

Of course I was filled with joy at meeting our brand new baby girl but as we left the hospital I felt a bit nostalgic as I remembered all of the wonderful doctors, nurses and staff who had made each stay so enjoyable. People that I will never see again. When I returned home and faced the tubs of boy clothes that would never be worn by a child of mine I had a hard time letting go. The memories of Will in certain outfits made me a little sad as I realized what a big boy he was. And, yes, even when Lexi began sleeping through the night I felt a sadness that I would never again have those middle of the night moments feeding and snuggling my baby while the rest of the family slept.

And now, as I return to work, the reality of how quickly time goes by is most poignant. I love my job and love the staff and kids I work with but the reality is the time I spend at work is time that I am not with my own children. It is hard to say goodbye to them each day and know that they will make new discoveries and learn how to do new things without me being there. They will continue to grow and I won't always be there to see them do it. I will miss them and as they grow I will miss these baby days.