It's My Birthday and I'm Happy

I'm not just happy because it's my birthday. It's my birthday and I'm just plain happy. I can't say that all of the facebook messages, texts, and phone calls haven't made me happy today. They have definitely made this day feel special. But my happiness goes beyond just today. I feel like at the ripe old age of 33 I have figured out HOW to be happy.

The two most important men
in my life

I'm not trying to paint this picture of a perfect life with a perfect, doting husband, and 3 perfectly well behaved children. That's definitely not us. But I think I've finally had that "ah-ha" moment (or more like a series of moments over the past couple of years) where I have realized things will never go perfectly, people will never be perfect, and I can choose to be happy and grateful despite it.

I have been married to my husband for 8 years. We dated for 5 before that. For a third of my life I have been with this man. He is not perfect and we do not have a perfect marriage. We fight over stupid things like money, disciplining the children, money, helping out around the house, and, did I mention money? We don't have a crazy passionate, romantic relationship. (I'd say maybe odd and quirky would better describe it.) But we do love each other unconditionally. We know each other's flaws and choose to love each other despite them. We have respect for each other and support each other in careers, parenting, and life.

My perfectly groomed daughters...
oh wait, I think that's watermelon
stainson Lexi's shirt.

I have 3 children who I love dearly but who can drive me absolutely mad. They each have their own little personalities and can push my buttons in different ways. For the most part, they are loving, caring, and thoughtful kids who can be very well behaved...for other people :) They are healthy and, as far as I can see, pretty happy. They can make me so angry and melt my heart all within the matter of an hour.

I might not have a beautiful
house but I do have a pretty
good view. Will must
appreciate it, too!

I live in a pre-1900 farm house that is falling apart and needs updating. It's crowded and disfunctional for our family. It's cluttered with crap and ridden with spiders, flies, and, eek...the occasional mouse. I have complained about this house since before Brad and I were even married. I have had building plans on my mind since the day I moved in. I have been embarrassed to invite people over because of its condition. But, it provides shelter and I also love it. It is where Brad carried me over the threshold and where we have brought each of our children home. It's stock full of memories and although I hate it, I will be sad to say goodbye to it someday.

I do not lead a FABULOUS life filled with designer things, world travels, or crazy endeavors. I live on a farm in the middle of America. I have bad habits and at times, bad manners. I curse when I stub my toe and when I drop stuff. I will never be a size 2 and I will always look in the mirror and find something I don't like about myself. I can be extremely shy around new people or in new situations. I worry about stupid stuff I can't control and about royally screwing up my kids. I've made bad choices and am not perfect. And, I'm okay with this.

I am happy with the life I have, flaws and all. I will try to do my best at my job and at being a good mother and wife. I will continue to want to try new things and travel to new places. I will do my best to be a good friend, sister and daughter. But I will make mistakes and may not get to do everything I want to...right this instant. I will not be perfect and can NOW appreciate that people will love me despite that.

My perfectly unperfect family on
a perfect September night.

Thanks to all my family and friends who have helped me realize that being less than perfect is perfectly perfect. You have made me so happy on this birthday.