It's My Birthday and I'm Happy

I'm not just happy because it's my birthday. It's my birthday and I'm just plain happy. I can't say that all of the facebook messages, texts, and phone calls haven't made me happy today. They have definitely made this day feel special. But my happiness goes beyond just today. I feel like at the ripe old age of 33 I have figured out HOW to be happy.

The two most important men
in my life

I'm not trying to paint this picture of a perfect life with a perfect, doting husband, and 3 perfectly well behaved children. That's definitely not us. But I think I've finally had that "ah-ha" moment (or more like a series of moments over the past couple of years) where I have realized things will never go perfectly, people will never be perfect, and I can choose to be happy and grateful despite it.

I have been married to my husband for 8 years. We dated for 5 before that. For a third of my life I have been with this man. He is not perfect and we do not have a perfect marriage. We fight over stupid things like money, disciplining the children, money, helping out around the house, and, did I mention money? We don't have a crazy passionate, romantic relationship. (I'd say maybe odd and quirky would better describe it.) But we do love each other unconditionally. We know each other's flaws and choose to love each other despite them. We have respect for each other and support each other in careers, parenting, and life.

My perfectly groomed daughters...
oh wait, I think that's watermelon
stainson Lexi's shirt.

I have 3 children who I love dearly but who can drive me absolutely mad. They each have their own little personalities and can push my buttons in different ways. For the most part, they are loving, caring, and thoughtful kids who can be very well behaved...for other people :) They are healthy and, as far as I can see, pretty happy. They can make me so angry and melt my heart all within the matter of an hour.

I might not have a beautiful
house but I do have a pretty
good view. Will must
appreciate it, too!

I live in a pre-1900 farm house that is falling apart and needs updating. It's crowded and disfunctional for our family. It's cluttered with crap and ridden with spiders, flies, and, eek...the occasional mouse. I have complained about this house since before Brad and I were even married. I have had building plans on my mind since the day I moved in. I have been embarrassed to invite people over because of its condition. But, it provides shelter and I also love it. It is where Brad carried me over the threshold and where we have brought each of our children home. It's stock full of memories and although I hate it, I will be sad to say goodbye to it someday.

I do not lead a FABULOUS life filled with designer things, world travels, or crazy endeavors. I live on a farm in the middle of America. I have bad habits and at times, bad manners. I curse when I stub my toe and when I drop stuff. I will never be a size 2 and I will always look in the mirror and find something I don't like about myself. I can be extremely shy around new people or in new situations. I worry about stupid stuff I can't control and about royally screwing up my kids. I've made bad choices and am not perfect. And, I'm okay with this.

I am happy with the life I have, flaws and all. I will try to do my best at my job and at being a good mother and wife. I will continue to want to try new things and travel to new places. I will do my best to be a good friend, sister and daughter. But I will make mistakes and may not get to do everything I want to...right this instant. I will not be perfect and can NOW appreciate that people will love me despite that.

My perfectly unperfect family on
a perfect September night.

Thanks to all my family and friends who have helped me realize that being less than perfect is perfectly perfect. You have made me so happy on this birthday.

If You Give a Mom a Day Off...

If you give a mom a day off work, she'll try to catch up on laundry.

While putting clean laundry away, she will decide to go through all closets and drawers since the seasons are changing. She'll pack away summer clothes and make sure all fall clothes are hung up and stocked in dresser drawers.

When she looks in a dresser drawer, she'll find a snack container that one of her kids put in there. She'll think, "I wonder how long that's been in there," as she carries it downstairs to put in the sink. She'll find the sink full of dishes.

She will start doing the dishes at the sink and notice some cobwebs in the corners of the cupboards. She'll go get the vacuum to suck up the cobwebs and then decide to vacuum the living room, stairs, and kids' bedrooms.

While in the bedroom, she will notice the 6 sets of Legos all mixed up and laying all over the Barbie table. Her type A personality will kick in and she'll start sorting the Legos into proper baggies. She'll become distraught because there are pieces missing so she'll start picking up toys off the bedroom floor to find them.

Along with toys, she'll pick up some scraps of artwork around the room and dirty Kleenexes off the nightstand. She'll take these downstairs to throw away.

As she's tossing these in the garbage, she'll spot an envelope of a bill that needed to be paid so she'll go get her purse to get her checkbook.

When she looks in her purse, she'll see lots of receipts and coupons that need to be organized. She'll grab her coupon organizer (that serves only to hold coupons that will expire before she gets around to using them) to put her new coupons in.

After organizing her coupons, she'll look up while wracking her brain as to why she got her purse out to begin with. That's when she'll notice the dusty fan blades. She'll get a chair and a rag and wash these off and think of how much she loves her Norwex cloths.

This will inspire her to wash off her cupboard doors. She'll clean off dried on applesauce and ketchup and other miscellaneous things she can't identify.

As she's cleaning the lower cupboards, she notices how dirty the kitchen floor is. Just as she is about to spot clean the kitchen floor, the dryer buzzes which means there is another load of laundry ready to fold.

She gets the clothes out of the dryer and takes them into the living room and notices that Ellen is on TV. So she thinks, "screw it!" and plops down in the recliner to relax!

Where Did I Come From?

OMG! My 3-year-old asked me the question that all parents fear. And it wasn't even the standard, "Where did I come from?" I have an answer for that one. "You came from Mommy's tummy." This of course can spark some interesting follow up questions but they are usually pretty benign and can be answered awkwardly but easily.

Q: How did I get out of your tummy?
A: Mommy went to the hospital and the doctor helped get you out.

Q: How did I fit in your tummy?
A: You were very small and got bigger once you were born. Etc., etc.

But my son's question was way worse and caught me completely off guard. "How did you and Daddy make me?" What?!?! Ummm...who has my kid been talking to?

While I'm thinking of an appropriate way to answer my son's question without mentioning an egg and sperm, my 6-year-old chimes in, "Daddy and Mommy didn't make you, God did!" This caused a heated debate in the backseat in which Will became extremely frustrated and upset, "No He did NOT! Mommy and Daddy made me!!!" I was hoping this little bickering would give me an out but Will was insistent on an answer.

"Well, buddy. Mommy and Daddy love each other so much and we decided we wanted to have a baby and so we did something special and God helped us make you." I know. Terrible. I'm pretty sure he could tell I was being a bumbling idiot and my answer didn't satisfy him.

My last baby belly...not sure
how it got in there ;)

"How did you MAKE me?"

"I told you buddy, Mommy and Daddy really wanted a baby..."

"But HOW?!?!?"

"Ummmm, well..." and then thankfully we pulled into Nana's driveway and he got distracted. Phew! Not sure how I was going to get out of that one without coming up with some crazy lie like, "Daddy has a magic finger and he touched my belly." (Okay, I would never really tell my child that but in my panicked state that seemed like a reasonable answer).

His question today has made me come to a few conclusions today:

#1. I need to get a whole lot better about thinking on my feet. The kids have caught me offgaurd with questions before and I always try to answer them as honestly as possible but also realize that some information is not appropriate for little ears to hear. Which leads to conclusion...

#2. I need to actually think about how I'm going to talk to my kids about all the fun stuff that I don't really want them to know about quite yet. It's not that I'm against telling them the truth. I want to have an honest and open relationship with my kids and hope they will come to me to address these uncomfortable topics instead of getting incorrect information from a bad source (aka other kids on the playground). But I also don't want to be the one responsible for my son teaching his whole preschool class about the birds and the bees. It's a fine line to walk and I'm just not sure how to do it. And...

#3.  There is a huge difference between my son and my daughter. As you read, my elder child (my daughter) was happy to believe that God was the one who made them. And although there is some truth to that, she is satisfied with believing that He was the only one that had anything to do with it. I appreciate her sweet, innocence and belief in everything she can't see. She will be our child who always believes and hopes for the impossible. It makes me a little sad that she will be absolutely heartbroken when she hears the truth about some of these childhood fantasies. Our son, on the other hand, already is starting to question the reality of these characters we love to believe in. He seems to already understand the impossibility of one soul delivering presents to all of the children he knows in one night much less all of the children around the world. He questions how things exist and why they exist. I love that he is curious and wants real answers but am a little sad that he's probably going to be the one to shatter Livi's fantasies.

I know that Will will have more questions for me. I know they have just begun. I'm hoping that the next time he asks me something like this I can keep my cool and answer his question in an honest but age appropriate way...or I might just say, "Go ask your dad."

Back to School Blues

Enjoying some ice cream on the deck

It usually starts about mid-July. Summer break is halfway over and we're quickly approaching the day we have to go back to school/work/daycare. Anxiety works its way into our house as I look at the list of things to do with the kids and projects around the house that haven't gotten done. Add in the reality that this marks one more summer gone in my children's lives, that soon there will be a summer when they don't want to go on fun little excursions with me at all, and you can understand why I've been in a bit of a melancholy mood lately.

Lexi's first time at the beach.

What has topped it off this past week (our last week at home together) my oldest daughter has been really pushing it at home. I love her and she is a good kid but it seems like we have been fighting a lot lately and that just adds to the sadness that the summer is over. A couple of days ago it was about wearing a swimsuit to a friend's house, yesterday it was over cleaning up the toy room. No big deal. Things all mothers and daughters probably argue about.

Sprinkler time!

The reason it upset me so much was because these are our last few days together before I go back to work full-time for the year, before I start that crazy life of a full-time wife, mother, AND employee who is trying to balance it all along with household chores and carting kids off to practices and activities. Before I have little time to do "fun stuff" with them. Before I barely have time to respond to all their needs. I wanted these last few days to spend loving my kids and doing whatever they wanted to do whether it was going to parks, hiking through the timber or just snuggling on the couch. I wanted to take these last few days to enjoy them at this age before it slips through my fingers just like it did at the end of last summer.

Party in the Park Kiddie Parade

Back to school shopping...Will
found the perfect backpack!

I guess I'm just sad they're growing up and the end of summer marks one more year gone before they leave our house and start their own lives as adults. As much as each stage is challenging, I do love each and every new accomplishment (big or small) and seeing them experience and learn new things. I wish I would be able to devote as much time to them all year round as I am able to during the summer but that just isn't possible for us.

Watching Lexi grow up this
summer was truly bittersweet.

So it's with a heavy heart that I go back to work tomorrow. We did have a wonderful summer together and made countless memories big and small. I am hoping (as I hope every school year) I will be able to take time each evening to enjoy each of our children in some small way and that we don't spend those precious moments together having meaningless arguments about clearing the table or picking up bedrooms. Hopefully school will bring back some routine to our household and everyone will transition well. Hopefully the time we do get to spend at home outside of work and school will be good, quality time. And if not, there's always next summer, right?

Fun times at Adventureland.

Hitting the links with Livi.

Swim lessons

Having fun at Shop and Chalk.

Living room fort for a sleepover.

Doing a nature scavenger hunt around
the farm.

Get In Shape Girl

Well, it's about time I get back in shape. I have birthed 3 children and don't plan on birthing any more so I have any more excuses...although I came up with plenty over the past 9 months. I had a newborn. I was exhausted. I don't have anywhere to work out. I don't have time to work out. The only time I can work out is at 11pm when I'm done with work and my family is all in bed, dishes are done, house is in order, laundry is caught up...oh wait, that's not 11pm, that's never!

So as you can see I was pretty good at coming up with excuses but I decided it's time. It actually started out back in early February when Lexi was in the hospital. I was up in the wee hours of the morning after Lexi had a respiratory treatment when Tony Horton's 10-Minute Trainer infomercial came on. Wow! I can have a body like that if I only work out 10 minutes a day!?!?!? In my sleep deprived stupor I decided I better order it.

Tony Horton and I had daily dates to work my arms, legs, core and cardio. We have a love-hate  relationship. He's so good for me but he can drive me crazy with his maniacal workout faces. Sorry Tony. That doesn't motivate me. It makes me want to throw my shoe at the TV screen. Pinterest and I also worked on finding some living room workouts I could do while I watched trashy TV. I did find a killer ab workout that I like. Not sure how much it has affected my middle but I'm always sore for a few days after so it has to be good, right?

Came home one morning to find
Will running down the lane to
greet me. That gave me a little more
motivation to make it back up
the lane.

All of this was a good start to get back in shape since my cardio sucked and my muscles were weak...with the exception of the ones in my left arm since those are what I use to lug Lexi around with :) Truth is, it was a good start because as I was adjusting to going back to work full-time after my third child all of the above mentioned excuses were true. I WAS exhausted, I DIDN'T have time or a place to work out, and I had FOUR people to cook for and clean up after. I just decided I couldn't use them as excuses any more and needed to start somewhere. I had at least 10 minutes in my day to spare, right?

And then, about a month and a half ago, a miracle happened. I decided to start running. Most of you probably know that I dislike two things: getting up early and running, but this is how it all began initially. I was getting up early to go run before work. It was awful and I hated every single second of it. But I did notice a huge difference in a short amount of time. My legs were getting toned and I was starting to lose that stubborn baby belly that's still clinging to my mid-section. This kept me motivated to keep going and since summer hit I no longer have to wake up early and can do it in the evenings. Bonus!

Sunset on my way up the lane
tonight. Beautiful night for
a run!

After a month and a half I am now running consistently at least 3 times a week (while supplementing with a few of those 10-minute and Pinterest workouts on my off days) and am running over 3 miles. I still don't LOVE it but I no longer HATE it. What I do love is that I feel better and I guess if I have to run to do that, I will. And running home with a view like this ain't too shabby either.

What She's Made Of

What do you get when you have 3 consecutive rainy days and two kids who need to burn off some major energy? A trip to the ER and 7 stitches in the chin, obviously. Liv running across the kitchen with a blanket on her back + Will stepping on it = a messed up mouth and a gash in the chin.

Of course there were lots of tears initially, especially when Livi saw all of the blood that was running down her face. Brad handled himself pretty well since he gets woozy at the tiniest bit of blood. He scooped her up while I ran to get a wet cloth to hold on her chin. Luckily, Nana and Papa were here to manage the other two while Daddy and I whisked Liv away to the hospital.

So as I held her in the car she stopped crying and she asked me to sing her her favorite bedtime song. I had to try my absolute hardest to steady my voice so she couldn't see how upset I was for her. After a song, we started telling jokes and then counted by 2s, 5s, 10s, and 20s until we got to the hospital...not a single tear in the car.

When we arrived at the hospital we were ushered to a room immediately...lucky day! The nurse coaxed Livi into letting her take off the cloth and peeked at it quick. No wincing, no moaning, no tears. And same thing when the doctor came in. He didn't mention stitches out loud but we knew they were coming. He mentioned we could do it by strapping her down or not. I chose not.

All cleaned up and ready to relax!

Soon time came to sew her up. I was honest with her although I tried to avoid mention of the "s" word. She knows what stitches are so I didn't think it was good to get her all worked up. They tilted her head back and began to tug on the skin around the cut. It didn't seem to bother her so they went to work. Again we started with songs, telling stories, talking about birthday presents, and whatever else came to mind while the doctor did his work. No wincing, no moaning, no tears! Pretty good for both Livi and me :)

Seven stitches later she was sitting up eating her Popsicle and laughing about how Daddy had to go wait in the waiting room because he was such a wimp and how tough she was. I have to admit I didn't think that would go quite that easily. I was so unbelievably proud of how brave and tough she was.

It's amazing to see how your child reacts in situations like these. I remember taking Livi in last year to get her tonsils out and how bravely she walked back with the nurse, nervous I'm sure, but without a single tear. I remember putting on my own brave face as I hugged her and told her I would be there as soon as she woke up and then fell to pieces as soon as they were out of earshot. I thought she was just trying to act tough, but after today I think I have pinpointed a piece of her personality.

There are a lot of words I could use to describe Livi. Curious, precocious, enthusiastic, brave, tough, resilient... But I think the word that describes her best is stoic. She is NOT one of those kids who wears their hearts on their sleeves. (I am not saying this is bad. This is just not her.) Don't get me wrong, she can be dramatic at times. But mostly, she doesn't let people know how she's feeling. Take tonight as an example. I THINK she was feeling scared, overwhelmed, hurt, and anxious but she came off as tough and brave because she didn't want anyone to see her cry or let them know she was in pain.

I'm not saying being stoic is a stellar personality trait. Some synonyms for stoic include indifferent, resigned and passive. At certain times, I think these can all describe her. It's because of these traits I fear that she is going to have a difficult time letting people get to know her and she may hold others at a distance. I'm afraid this may affect friendships and in the future, romantic relationships.

But I found it interesting that synonyms for stoic also include enduring, tolerant, and patient which I do believe describe her well and are all great virtues to possess. These are traits that can be great to foster relationships.

So I know she's only 5 and there are so many challenges she'll face and so many ways her personality will grow and manifest itself. I just hope as she grows and discovers herself she will be able to tap into the right parts of her stoic-ness at the right times. As of tonight, I'm pretty proud of my brave, tough, stoic little girl.

Thanks to All You Mamas

I recently went to Chicago for a conference with a co-worker and 6 other women I didn't know. I have to admit I was a little nervous. I was worried I was going to be the odd man out since my co-worker and the 6 other women all work for the same school district. I was the tag along and just didn't know what kind of dynamic there would be.

Well, what do you think would bond me with a bunch of strangers? Of course our kids. By the end of the week we were sharing our parenting horror stories...peeing and pooping and puking, oh my! By the third night together we were sharing details of our labors and deliveries. When you have kids, no topic seems to be off limits...especially after complimentary cocktail hour at the hotel :)

That's the thing about becoming a mom. It bonds you deeply to friends, old and new, and in this case to complete strangers. You understand now all of the work it takes being a mom and you no longer judge that mom with the screaming child in Target. You relish in the camaraderie you have with fellow moms as you struggle to "do it all" while keeping yourself and your kids alive. You can laugh at your most embarrassing mom moments and empathize with each others' struggles. Becoming a mom forces you to get over yourself and your insecurities because your focus becomes your kids.

And with each mom I bond with, I learn a little something new. Sometimes it's simple things like using a Norwex cloth can help get dried fingernail polish out of your carpet. Sometimes it's how to discipline little boys without taking away their lively spirit. Sometimes it's just remembering how fortunate I am to have been blessed with a wonderful husband and three happy, healthy kids and a wealth of friends and co-mamas.

Thank you to all those mothers out there who have taught me a thing or two about parenting. And thanks to my own mom for being a great example of what it takes to be a wonderful mom.