Where Did I Come From?

OMG! My 3-year-old asked me the question that all parents fear. And it wasn't even the standard, "Where did I come from?" I have an answer for that one. "You came from Mommy's tummy." This of course can spark some interesting follow up questions but they are usually pretty benign and can be answered awkwardly but easily.

Q: How did I get out of your tummy?
A: Mommy went to the hospital and the doctor helped get you out.

Q: How did I fit in your tummy?
A: You were very small and got bigger once you were born. Etc., etc.

But my son's question was way worse and caught me completely off guard. "How did you and Daddy make me?" What?!?! Ummm...who has my kid been talking to?

While I'm thinking of an appropriate way to answer my son's question without mentioning an egg and sperm, my 6-year-old chimes in, "Daddy and Mommy didn't make you, God did!" This caused a heated debate in the backseat in which Will became extremely frustrated and upset, "No He did NOT! Mommy and Daddy made me!!!" I was hoping this little bickering would give me an out but Will was insistent on an answer.

"Well, buddy. Mommy and Daddy love each other so much and we decided we wanted to have a baby and so we did something special and God helped us make you." I know. Terrible. I'm pretty sure he could tell I was being a bumbling idiot and my answer didn't satisfy him.

My last baby belly...not sure
how it got in there ;)

"How did you MAKE me?"

"I told you buddy, Mommy and Daddy really wanted a baby..."

"But HOW?!?!?"

"Ummmm, well..." and then thankfully we pulled into Nana's driveway and he got distracted. Phew! Not sure how I was going to get out of that one without coming up with some crazy lie like, "Daddy has a magic finger and he touched my belly." (Okay, I would never really tell my child that but in my panicked state that seemed like a reasonable answer).

His question today has made me come to a few conclusions today:

#1. I need to get a whole lot better about thinking on my feet. The kids have caught me offgaurd with questions before and I always try to answer them as honestly as possible but also realize that some information is not appropriate for little ears to hear. Which leads to conclusion...

#2. I need to actually think about how I'm going to talk to my kids about all the fun stuff that I don't really want them to know about quite yet. It's not that I'm against telling them the truth. I want to have an honest and open relationship with my kids and hope they will come to me to address these uncomfortable topics instead of getting incorrect information from a bad source (aka other kids on the playground). But I also don't want to be the one responsible for my son teaching his whole preschool class about the birds and the bees. It's a fine line to walk and I'm just not sure how to do it. And...

#3.  There is a huge difference between my son and my daughter. As you read, my elder child (my daughter) was happy to believe that God was the one who made them. And although there is some truth to that, she is satisfied with believing that He was the only one that had anything to do with it. I appreciate her sweet, innocence and belief in everything she can't see. She will be our child who always believes and hopes for the impossible. It makes me a little sad that she will be absolutely heartbroken when she hears the truth about some of these childhood fantasies. Our son, on the other hand, already is starting to question the reality of these characters we love to believe in. He seems to already understand the impossibility of one soul delivering presents to all of the children he knows in one night much less all of the children around the world. He questions how things exist and why they exist. I love that he is curious and wants real answers but am a little sad that he's probably going to be the one to shatter Livi's fantasies.

I know that Will will have more questions for me. I know they have just begun. I'm hoping that the next time he asks me something like this I can keep my cool and answer his question in an honest but age appropriate way...or I might just say, "Go ask your dad."

Back to School Blues

Enjoying some ice cream on the deck

It usually starts about mid-July. Summer break is halfway over and we're quickly approaching the day we have to go back to school/work/daycare. Anxiety works its way into our house as I look at the list of things to do with the kids and projects around the house that haven't gotten done. Add in the reality that this marks one more summer gone in my children's lives, that soon there will be a summer when they don't want to go on fun little excursions with me at all, and you can understand why I've been in a bit of a melancholy mood lately.

Lexi's first time at the beach.

What has topped it off this past week (our last week at home together) my oldest daughter has been really pushing it at home. I love her and she is a good kid but it seems like we have been fighting a lot lately and that just adds to the sadness that the summer is over. A couple of days ago it was about wearing a swimsuit to a friend's house, yesterday it was over cleaning up the toy room. No big deal. Things all mothers and daughters probably argue about.

Sprinkler time!

The reason it upset me so much was because these are our last few days together before I go back to work full-time for the year, before I start that crazy life of a full-time wife, mother, AND employee who is trying to balance it all along with household chores and carting kids off to practices and activities. Before I have little time to do "fun stuff" with them. Before I barely have time to respond to all their needs. I wanted these last few days to spend loving my kids and doing whatever they wanted to do whether it was going to parks, hiking through the timber or just snuggling on the couch. I wanted to take these last few days to enjoy them at this age before it slips through my fingers just like it did at the end of last summer.

Party in the Park Kiddie Parade

Back to school shopping...Will
found the perfect backpack!

I guess I'm just sad they're growing up and the end of summer marks one more year gone before they leave our house and start their own lives as adults. As much as each stage is challenging, I do love each and every new accomplishment (big or small) and seeing them experience and learn new things. I wish I would be able to devote as much time to them all year round as I am able to during the summer but that just isn't possible for us.

Watching Lexi grow up this
summer was truly bittersweet.

So it's with a heavy heart that I go back to work tomorrow. We did have a wonderful summer together and made countless memories big and small. I am hoping (as I hope every school year) I will be able to take time each evening to enjoy each of our children in some small way and that we don't spend those precious moments together having meaningless arguments about clearing the table or picking up bedrooms. Hopefully school will bring back some routine to our household and everyone will transition well. Hopefully the time we do get to spend at home outside of work and school will be good, quality time. And if not, there's always next summer, right?

Fun times at Adventureland.

Hitting the links with Livi.

Swim lessons

Having fun at Shop and Chalk.

Living room fort for a sleepover.

Doing a nature scavenger hunt around
the farm.

Get In Shape Girl

Well, it's about time I get back in shape. I have birthed 3 children and don't plan on birthing any more so I have any more excuses...although I came up with plenty over the past 9 months. I had a newborn. I was exhausted. I don't have anywhere to work out. I don't have time to work out. The only time I can work out is at 11pm when I'm done with work and my family is all in bed, dishes are done, house is in order, laundry is caught up...oh wait, that's not 11pm, that's never!

So as you can see I was pretty good at coming up with excuses but I decided it's time. It actually started out back in early February when Lexi was in the hospital. I was up in the wee hours of the morning after Lexi had a respiratory treatment when Tony Horton's 10-Minute Trainer infomercial came on. Wow! I can have a body like that if I only work out 10 minutes a day!?!?!? In my sleep deprived stupor I decided I better order it.

Tony Horton and I had daily dates to work my arms, legs, core and cardio. We have a love-hate  relationship. He's so good for me but he can drive me crazy with his maniacal workout faces. Sorry Tony. That doesn't motivate me. It makes me want to throw my shoe at the TV screen. Pinterest and I also worked on finding some living room workouts I could do while I watched trashy TV. I did find a killer ab workout that I like. Not sure how much it has affected my middle but I'm always sore for a few days after so it has to be good, right?

Came home one morning to find
Will running down the lane to
greet me. That gave me a little more
motivation to make it back up
the lane.

All of this was a good start to get back in shape since my cardio sucked and my muscles were weak...with the exception of the ones in my left arm since those are what I use to lug Lexi around with :) Truth is, it was a good start because as I was adjusting to going back to work full-time after my third child all of the above mentioned excuses were true. I WAS exhausted, I DIDN'T have time or a place to work out, and I had FOUR people to cook for and clean up after. I just decided I couldn't use them as excuses any more and needed to start somewhere. I had at least 10 minutes in my day to spare, right?

And then, about a month and a half ago, a miracle happened. I decided to start running. Most of you probably know that I dislike two things: getting up early and running, but this is how it all began initially. I was getting up early to go run before work. It was awful and I hated every single second of it. But I did notice a huge difference in a short amount of time. My legs were getting toned and I was starting to lose that stubborn baby belly that's still clinging to my mid-section. This kept me motivated to keep going and since summer hit I no longer have to wake up early and can do it in the evenings. Bonus!

Sunset on my way up the lane
tonight. Beautiful night for
a run!

After a month and a half I am now running consistently at least 3 times a week (while supplementing with a few of those 10-minute and Pinterest workouts on my off days) and am running over 3 miles. I still don't LOVE it but I no longer HATE it. What I do love is that I feel better and I guess if I have to run to do that, I will. And running home with a view like this ain't too shabby either.

What She's Made Of

What do you get when you have 3 consecutive rainy days and two kids who need to burn off some major energy? A trip to the ER and 7 stitches in the chin, obviously. Liv running across the kitchen with a blanket on her back + Will stepping on it = a messed up mouth and a gash in the chin.

Of course there were lots of tears initially, especially when Livi saw all of the blood that was running down her face. Brad handled himself pretty well since he gets woozy at the tiniest bit of blood. He scooped her up while I ran to get a wet cloth to hold on her chin. Luckily, Nana and Papa were here to manage the other two while Daddy and I whisked Liv away to the hospital.

So as I held her in the car she stopped crying and she asked me to sing her her favorite bedtime song. I had to try my absolute hardest to steady my voice so she couldn't see how upset I was for her. After a song, we started telling jokes and then counted by 2s, 5s, 10s, and 20s until we got to the hospital...not a single tear in the car.

When we arrived at the hospital we were ushered to a room immediately...lucky day! The nurse coaxed Livi into letting her take off the cloth and peeked at it quick. No wincing, no moaning, no tears. And same thing when the doctor came in. He didn't mention stitches out loud but we knew they were coming. He mentioned we could do it by strapping her down or not. I chose not.

All cleaned up and ready to relax!

Soon time came to sew her up. I was honest with her although I tried to avoid mention of the "s" word. She knows what stitches are so I didn't think it was good to get her all worked up. They tilted her head back and began to tug on the skin around the cut. It didn't seem to bother her so they went to work. Again we started with songs, telling stories, talking about birthday presents, and whatever else came to mind while the doctor did his work. No wincing, no moaning, no tears! Pretty good for both Livi and me :)

Seven stitches later she was sitting up eating her Popsicle and laughing about how Daddy had to go wait in the waiting room because he was such a wimp and how tough she was. I have to admit I didn't think that would go quite that easily. I was so unbelievably proud of how brave and tough she was.

It's amazing to see how your child reacts in situations like these. I remember taking Livi in last year to get her tonsils out and how bravely she walked back with the nurse, nervous I'm sure, but without a single tear. I remember putting on my own brave face as I hugged her and told her I would be there as soon as she woke up and then fell to pieces as soon as they were out of earshot. I thought she was just trying to act tough, but after today I think I have pinpointed a piece of her personality.

There are a lot of words I could use to describe Livi. Curious, precocious, enthusiastic, brave, tough, resilient... But I think the word that describes her best is stoic. She is NOT one of those kids who wears their hearts on their sleeves. (I am not saying this is bad. This is just not her.) Don't get me wrong, she can be dramatic at times. But mostly, she doesn't let people know how she's feeling. Take tonight as an example. I THINK she was feeling scared, overwhelmed, hurt, and anxious but she came off as tough and brave because she didn't want anyone to see her cry or let them know she was in pain.

I'm not saying being stoic is a stellar personality trait. Some synonyms for stoic include indifferent, resigned and passive. At certain times, I think these can all describe her. It's because of these traits I fear that she is going to have a difficult time letting people get to know her and she may hold others at a distance. I'm afraid this may affect friendships and in the future, romantic relationships.

But I found it interesting that synonyms for stoic also include enduring, tolerant, and patient which I do believe describe her well and are all great virtues to possess. These are traits that can be great to foster relationships.

So I know she's only 5 and there are so many challenges she'll face and so many ways her personality will grow and manifest itself. I just hope as she grows and discovers herself she will be able to tap into the right parts of her stoic-ness at the right times. As of tonight, I'm pretty proud of my brave, tough, stoic little girl.

Thanks to All You Mamas

I recently went to Chicago for a conference with a co-worker and 6 other women I didn't know. I have to admit I was a little nervous. I was worried I was going to be the odd man out since my co-worker and the 6 other women all work for the same school district. I was the tag along and just didn't know what kind of dynamic there would be.

Well, what do you think would bond me with a bunch of strangers? Of course our kids. By the end of the week we were sharing our parenting horror stories...peeing and pooping and puking, oh my! By the third night together we were sharing details of our labors and deliveries. When you have kids, no topic seems to be off limits...especially after complimentary cocktail hour at the hotel :)

That's the thing about becoming a mom. It bonds you deeply to friends, old and new, and in this case to complete strangers. You understand now all of the work it takes being a mom and you no longer judge that mom with the screaming child in Target. You relish in the camaraderie you have with fellow moms as you struggle to "do it all" while keeping yourself and your kids alive. You can laugh at your most embarrassing mom moments and empathize with each others' struggles. Becoming a mom forces you to get over yourself and your insecurities because your focus becomes your kids.

And with each mom I bond with, I learn a little something new. Sometimes it's simple things like using a Norwex cloth can help get dried fingernail polish out of your carpet. Sometimes it's how to discipline little boys without taking away their lively spirit. Sometimes it's just remembering how fortunate I am to have been blessed with a wonderful husband and three happy, healthy kids and a wealth of friends and co-mamas.

Thank you to all those mothers out there who have taught me a thing or two about parenting. And thanks to my own mom for being a great example of what it takes to be a wonderful mom.

Clone Me, Please

I'll be honest. I've been a little overwhelmed lately. Working full-time with a 5-year, 3-year, and 6-month old is difficult. Throw in the fact that my husband works until dusk every evening as well as every weekend and I feel like a single mom most of the time.

So when I made a trip to the dentist this past Monday with all 3 kids in tow I was feeling a little frazzled. In the waiting room Livi and Will were fighting over a game system attached to the wall (note to dentist: I appreciate you trying to appease my children while they wait for their visit but this really creates more problems than it solves). Lexi starts fussing because she is sick of sitting in her car seat. So as I am literally peeling my son off the Wii trying to get him to go back with the dentist with Lexi hanging over my other arm, I am giving myself a little pep talk about how I can get through with this visit without yelling, threatening, or bribing my children.

Then in walks a mother with her middle-school and upper-elementary aged children. I can't help but eavesdrop as she is telling her daughter how she had to fire their most recent assistant because she wasn't doing her job well enough and complaining about all of the things she had to get done. She exasperatedly says, "Oh, I just need to clone myself!"

Clone yourself? I'd give anything to have that assistant you just fired to sit with my baby in the waiting room while I try to listen to what the dentist has to say to me instead of absentmindedly nodding my head while I try to hold a binky in the baby's mouth and make sure my other two aren't going to get into a wrestling match over those stupid video games.

Breathe. And then I get mad at myself for judging this woman's woe's-me attitude when I, myself, have been feeling like that a lot lately. I don't know what her life entails and I shouldn't judge her based on a 5-minute encounter in a waiting room. I would hate to think what some people have thought of me in my most hideous parenting moments.

Yes, I have felt overwhelmed lately. It seems like I can do my job well, be a good mom, or get my house in order but all three will never coexist. But, I also know I have an absolutely wonderful support system of family and friends who will always help me whenever I ask and can commiserate with me about being pulled in all directions.

I truly do love my life. I love my job even though it can be difficult to balance with young kids at home. I love living on a farm even though that means sometimes cows and sheep come before me or the kids. And I love each of my children even though they can really push my buttons sometimes. I am going to try to get over the fact that I cannot be the best at all things. I may not be the best mom every day but I'm doing the best I can in each moment I have with my kids.

Muddy Mess

I usually despise this time of year, the tranisitional period from winter to spring when everything around here is a nightmare. Anyone who lives out in the country or on a farm can likely relate. It is a sloppy, wet, muddy mess that sucks you in. It's like quicksand...the more you fight it, the deeper you sink in.

My husband despises it even more than I do. He fights with it day in and day out pulling newly delivered calves out of it so they have a chance to survive and using his tractor to pull other machinery out of ginormous mud pits. No wonder he is extremely cranky this time of year.

So I've been complaining about it the last few weeks. Nothing like running late for work and out into mud that suck up your high heels. After changing shoes, and sometimes pants, there is usually no hope for me being on time. I have spent the last few weeks lecturing my son about walking on the sidewalk, directly to the car so we can get to daycare without having to change his clothes. But he can never resist. There is just something about the splashing of puddles and the way mud pulls at your boots that appeals to little boys.

Not only is it muddy because the ground is finally thawing but it rained pretty much nonstop all weekend long. What were little puddles tripled in size during our trip to the store so Will got out of the car when we got home, he just could not resist running to the biggest puddle and hopping right in. It was one of those moments as a mom when you have to ask yourself, is this really that big of a deal? Sure it was raining and he wasn't dressed very warmly and he was making an absolute mess out of himself but it sure did look like fun.

We had nowhere to go and he'd want to come in if he was really that cold, right? What was it going to hurt if he got a little mud on his pants and coat...and face? After watching him joyfully hop from one puddle to another and hearing him say, "Mommy, you jump into the puddle!" I decided what the heck. We had a great time splashing around and getting muddy.

But tomorrow, when I'm running late, he better be able to resist that puddle that will be calling his name.