Exerting Some Independence

Strapped into her stroller...
where she should be!

I made a grave mistake last night. I let my 18 month old get out of the cart. I didn't want to do it but it became a safety issue really. Really, I swear! Even though she was strapped into the front seat, she somehow wiggled until her legs were out of the holes and she was on her knees facing the back of the cart. I had tried several times to get her back into the proper position but was met by screaming and wrestling and me sweating.

Hmmm...do I continue through Target with a screaming toddler or do I let her out and chase her all over the store? Neither option sounded very appealing but I had had enough acoustic raucous yesterday to last me for a year. I just wanted her to stop screaming.

So our adventure began. Initially she did very well following along. Then she got brave and decided to venture a ways from the cart. A couple of times I had to chase her down the aisle. All the time my older two kids are yelling her name to get her to come back.

And I'm pulling out all the stops to keep her within a 2-foot radius of the cart while I'm trying to make sure we are getting all groceries on the list in the most efficient way so we cover the least amount of area as possible.

"Why don't you help Mommy push the cart?" That lasted about 2 seconds before a baby in another cart caught her eye and she started following them.

Exerting her independence at the
Children's Museum.

"Here, put this in the cart for Mommy." Good idea but she was physically incapable of lifting most of what we needed and was not tall enough to get it over the edge of the cart. When her older sister would try to help she'd scream, "No!" and turn away from her.

"Do you want a ride?" That just elicited a shake of her head and little feet darting away.

I apologize to the other customers who experienced our madness last night. Some were amused by the little girl in the pink tutu marching (yes, she was literally marching around like she owned the place) through the store. We got a few comments such as "How cute!" and "She's adorable!" which were very nice...if they only knew how ornery she could be. And it was so sweet to watch her an elderly man keep stride for about 15 feet while she peered up at him and he smile down at her.

Others, I'm sure, were completely annoyed by us...by my children and me calling every few feet for her to come back, by an 18 month old darting out from aisles and almost getting hit by their carts, by us taking up whole aisles because an 18 month old doesn't really understand the right side rule. (But then again, most adults don't seem to know how to stay on the right side at the store either.) I'd hurriedly grab her and apologize all the while thinking to myself, we've got to foster her independence at some point, right? I know she may have been a bit of an inconvenience to others but she's learning some vital skills. She's learning some boundaries like how far she can get from Mommy in a big space before Mommy freaks out and grabs her. She's learning how to follow directions and then choosing which ones she actually wants to follow. She's learning how to follow a leader and then deciding that sometimes it's just better to be the leader.

My baby girl who is growing up
way too fast!

Well, I did get myself into that mess. It was not necessarily the most enjoyable shopping trip I've ever had and we could have been out of the store at least 20 minutes sooner if she would have just stayed in her seat but it was kind of fun (maybe fun's not the best word...interesting?) to see how her little personality expressed itself during our shopping trip.

Really it was just another reminder of how quickly she's growing up. She's saying new words, doing new tricks, and exerting her independence even more every day. Someday she'll walk through the whole store herself and I won't once have to tell her to come back and stay close. And I will think back to that crazy, first night she walked around Target on her own and miss it dearly.

V-Day Fail

Well kids...sorry but you will probably be disappointed in the morning. No special breakfast on Valentine's Day. No traditional cinnamon rolls and orange juice hearts served on heart-shaped plates. No Valentine's cards set out by your breakfast plate for you to open first thing in the morning.

It's not that Mommy doesn't love you. I hope you understand that although Mommy tries to do these special things for you on these special days, sometimes Mommy makes mistakes, forgets things, or is just plain overwhelmed by everything that needs to get done.

The way we typically start our morning
on Valentine's Day. Oh well, maybe
next year :(

I hope you understand that instead of thinking of cinnamon rolls and orange juice I was thinking of how we needed to finish your classmates' Valentine's cards. I was desperately trying to remember I needed to get juice boxes for your class party. I hope you know that when I was hurriedly dumping necessities in my grocery cart like milk and bread I was thinking of you...I was thinking of how I missed you all day and was rushing through the grocery store so I could get home to see you before bed. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking about our Valentine's morning tradition.

I hope you understand that Mommy is far from perfect and that I make mistakes and that it doesn't mean that I love you any less.

Okay, so I'm being a little melodramatic and the fact is my children probably won't even remember that they get cinnamon rolls every Valentine's day for breakfast. Our morning will probably be a typical morning, rushing around to try to get out the door to work and school on time. But that doesn't mean I don't feel bad I forgot about our tradition. I feel even worse that I won't have a special Valentine ready for them as soon as they wake up. I feel bad they won't be going to school and daycare feeling extra special on a special day.

But then again, I try to make them feel special every day. I try to make sure they know how much I love them...even when we're having a rough day. I hope they know that although Valentine's Day is special and fun it is not the only time we should tell and show our family and friends how much they mean to us. It's something we should try to do as often as we can. I hope they know I love them every day.

So tomorrow will not be the best Valentine morning ever but maybe I can write some special notes to stick in their pockets and we can have cinnamon rolls for supper instead.

Please Excuse This Mess

A good friend called me Friday evening to ask for an impromptu adult play date. Knowing that both of us just wanted to sit in our sweats and chat, I invited her over but felt compelled to say, "Just to warn you, my house is a mess." Her reply, which I very much appreciated, was, "Aren't we a bit beyond that?"

One of the reasons we have
a messy house...and dirty
kitchen floors!

A huge wave of relief washed over me. There was no pressure to get all of the groceries put away, all mail removed from kitchen countertops, floors swept (or better yet, scrubbed), toys thrown into toy room, and all doors shut around the house so she couldn't see the evidence behind them of how we lived our daily lives. I knew she was going to see our house how it was on a typical day in our life and she wasn't going to judge me because let's face it, her house probably looks the same on a daily basis.

Why do we have such pressure to have a perfect house when people come over? I am mortified when people just stop by and see our messy entryway, which happens to be our kitchen, with shoes and coats strewn all over the floor, dishes piled up in the sink and leftover breakfast bowls on the kitchen table. For me, it feels as if their first thought is, "Whoa! Can't she get it together?"

How our living room typically looks.
They love making "nests" with all
blankies, pillows and stuffed animals.

The truth is, I can't. I cannot work full-time, raise three kids, cook, clean, and do laundry in the amount of time I'm given. I cannot keep a balance in our home where our house looks decent, laundry is caught up, homework is done, and I am prepared for the next day at work. And more importantly, I cannot spend the amount of time I would like doing fun things with my kids.

Things have gotten a little better as the kids have gotten older and are able to be responsible for some things around the house but let's be honest, sometimes it's more work getting them to "clean." I feel like I become that nagging mom whom her children rolls their eyes at. It's when I turn into a stark raving lunatic that they finally take me seriously and help out a BIT more. And I hate it. I hate harping on them to clean up all the time when all I really want to do is just hang out with them and enjoy them at this age.

So that's what we did yesterday. Instead of worrying about the house we worried about doing fun stuff together. And we had a great time. I'm pretty sure I didn't yell at them the whole day and we did things that we wouldn't normally do. I really enjoyed my time hanging out with them instead of worrying about the Kix that were spilled all over the living room floor or the five loads of laundry waiting to be folded.

One of our fun activities yesterday...
homemade volcano!

And after our special time together the kids were much more willing to help around the house. I washed, Will rinsed and Liv dried dishes until they were all done. Will picked up his room (with a little of my help) and Liv did her homework without me nagging her to get it done. Maybe instead of focusing on a clean house and impressing everyone else we need to get our priorities straight and enjoy our time with our kids.

So if you come to my house and it's a disaster, please excuse my mess. I was probably playing with my kids.

One at a Time

I got to spend some unexpected one-on-one time with my buddy Willis McGillis tonight. Although I enjoy spending time with all of my kids together, there is just something so special about getting to spend time with each one individually, even if it is just during a trip to Target. Nothing special, I suppose...just a weekly trip to get groceries and the odds and ends we needed at home. But for one little boy I think it was something extra special.

It was special because during our car ride into Cedar Rapids he could talk to me about whatever he wanted to without being interrupted by a toddler crying or an older sister arguing with him about insignificant details in his story. He got to talk to Mommy about the best presents he got and which ones he was going to play with and whom of his friends might like playing with them too. There was no competition of who had the more important thing to say or who could be the loudest while saying it.

It was special because at the store he got to sit in the front of the cart, and then in the back of the cart, and then got to hang off the back like a garbage man and pretend he was putting garbage into the garbage truck. He didn't have to fight over positions with sisters and be told "no" because baby sis "needs that spot." He even got to push the cart for a little bit which was an extra special treat. (I know that doesn't seem so special but it's the small things.)

It was special because he got to load and unload the groceries without having to bicker with big sister about who got to pick up which food, etc., etc. It was special because he got to swipe my card which no one EVER gets to do. It was special because we got to putz around loading groceries into the car instead of me wrangling them into car seats first so I can make sure no one gets stolen or ran over in the parking lot. And it was super special because he got a treat at the drive-thru after our trip was completed.

It was special because for about 2 hours, he got Mommy's undivided attention and since he was alone and there was no arguing and only 1 kid who was doing an outstanding job following directions, he had a mommy who was calm, collected, and even a bit silly. I'd like to spend time with that mommy too!

Willis McGillis showing off his
silly personality that we love so much!

It's nights like these I love. I love being able to really focus on one child at a time so they can feel special and maybe like they are the center of the universe for even a brief amount of time. I love to see each of my children's personalities when they are not competing for my attention and are just enjoying hanging out with their mom.

Nights like these also make me a bit sad. It makes me feel a little sad that I'm not able to do this more often with each of my children. It makes me sad they are growing up so fast and that at some point a trip to Target with mom won't seem so special any more. And it makes me sad, and maybe even a little ashamed that I really am only completely relaxed and, yes, even a bit silly, when I have one child versus three children at the grocery store with me. I would like to think that I typically handle shopping with three kids alright but I do know I feel a lot more exhausted and may lose my temper a bit more after a trip with all three then I did after tonight. 

I hope my kids enjoy spending time with me AND their siblings but I'll take as many of these nights as I can get. Hopefully I can find little opportunities like these more often to share with each of my kids because it was pretty special...especially for me. 

Can't We All Just Get Along?

After reading some posts on Facebook and blogs by other people lately I've been feeling pretty crummy. It's not necessarily what people are posting. People post things for a variety of reasons...to vent, to inform, to express an opinion, to connect with people. I get it. I obviously do these things too. What has really been bothering me is how people respond to posts/blogs. I understand there are people who write things to purposely stir the pot a bit but some people's responses are rude, disrespectful and just plain mean. When I read these things it makes me feel like we have all lost our sense of decency.

This is nothing new, I suppose. For as long as people have lived there most likely have been haters. It just seems so much worse because with social media it's all in your face, all the time. It makes people more willing to say things to others they wouldn't say to their face...except they slap an "LOL" on the end which should make it seem okay. Didn't your mother ever teach you, "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say it at all?"

I know this isn't a new, earth shattering idea. It's just been bothering me a lot lately. I know I could log off, not read it, and not deal with it but that doesn't mean it has stopped happening.

I'm not blaming social media. Social media is great for sharing with friends and family, connecting with people around the world who have similar experiences, and for me, it's been a nice place for me to indulge in writing again. Social media is a mindless tool we use to communicate. Social media is not to blame. People are. We are using and abusing it to bring others down.

I'm all for people debating and learning from one another but I feel like we have all forgotten how to do this civilly. We are all turning into big bullies. How are we supposed to teach our children to be caring and respectful when as adults we are using social media to bully each other just as much? Some of the things I read completely floor me. Not only are people bullying others who post things but others who comment on posts. I read comments that go back and forth until they are so off topic from the original post I think people just want to start a fight. They want to feel like they're right and powerful I guess.

Instead, why can't we use our words in social media, and in life in general, to lift each other up? To show we care about each other? To relate to each other and provide guidance and support? Some people are probably rolling their eyes right now and saying that's not how it works in the real world. In the real world you have to deal with criticism and disappointments. I get it. But why can't we do better?

I can do better. I know I've been guilty of reading posts and rolling my eyes or making comments to my husband. And there are probably times my children have heard me say something I wish I could take back. I'm not perfect but I will try to be better. I will honestly try to provide uplifting words instead of criticizing someone for their point of view. I will try to take on another's perspective before I rush to judge. I will try to be a good example to my children of someone who can be positive and respectful of someone even if I do disagree with them.

Can we end this cycle of hate and bullying? Can't we all just get along?

Halloween Hangover

Lexi the Lion

I woke up this morning with a pounding headache and a rolling stomach. No, I didn't enjoy too many adult beverages last night. It was Halloween and all the screaming, squealing, and sugar got to me.

Halloween is not ALL bad. I do enjoy seeing how excited the kids get when they don their costumes and head out to the streets to see what treasures they will receive from the generous people in my parents' neighborhood. I have to say I get a little caught up in the excitement as well. I'm a sucker for holidays in general and just want good memories to be made.

Will as Luigi

And we did make some great memories last night. It was the first Halloween the Lexi was aware...maybe even awake...of what we were doing. As long as she was holding her Elmo bucket in one hand and a peanut butter cup in the other (didn't matter that the wrapper was still on), she was very content. Livi and Will excitedly ran from door to door and then had fun joining some friends to finish up the night. Everyone had a great time and I loved watching them enjoy themselves.

It's always the before and after that gets to me. First, it's the deciding what to be. Honestly this hasn't been TOO stressful up to this point but I have a feeling as Livi gets a few years older it may be a bit more dramatic. We had a little meltdown about how her cowboy hat fit but once we strategically placed a pony on top of her head to hold it in place, she was happy. The kids always have those indecisive moments where they try to convince me they want to be something else. Sorry kids. Costumes bought/thrown together already. There's always next year to be ____ (fill in the blank with the latest costume request).

Cowgirl Livi

And then the after comes and it is riddled with sugar overloaded kids who are tired and queasy. Trying to get them to bed after an exciting night is hard enough. Doing it after they have eaten 10 fun sized candy bars is even harder. And, oh yeah, it's a school night and they have a spelling test the next day and we haven't practiced the words yet. Squeeze a practice test in, brush teeth, listen to some whining and finally they are all asleep.

And when I wake up the next morning with this Halloween hangover, I ask myself, "Was it worth it?" It always is. They were the cutest cowgirl/Luigi/lion or ____ (fill in the blank with whatever they decided to be). We all had fun and made lots of great memories...and I got to pick through their buckets first for my favorites :)

It's a Hissy Cat!

It was approximately 6:30 this evening when the mayhem began. I was washing supper dishes. Lexi was finishing up her supper in her high chair. Liv was long gone from the kitchen...probably trying to escape cleanup duties. I asked Will to scrape his plate which he proceeded to do into the dog dish right outside our kitchen door.

That's when I hear him scream and yell in a very panicked voice, "There's a cat in the house! There's a CAT in the HOUSE!!!" We live on a farm and although we raise animals and care for them, we do NOT care to have any in our house.

Sugar and Lexi, one of the
non-hissy cats that live
on Primrose farm.

I look over toward my hysterical son and say, "It's OK buddy. It's just a kitten."

JUST a kitten. That would have never been uttered from my mouth if I would have known how much craziness the next 45 minutes would entail. 

I finish washing the couple of dishes I have left in the sink while Livi walks in to see what the commotion is about. "Why is there a cat in our house?"

Will is crying, "I didn't mean to, it was just an accident!" The kitten moves, probably to enjoy all of the food that Lexi has dumped off her tray, and Will screams.

I continue to calmly wash dishes. "It's OK buddy. It was just an accident. Why don't you try to get it out of the house? Walk behind it like you're herding the sheep."

Livi, who loves to help her daddy on the farm, eagerly steps up to herd the cat out of the house. As soon as she gets within a foot of it, it starts hissing and swiping at her. "It's a hissy cat! It's one of the HISSY ones!" She starts screaming and running around the kitchen which gets Will crying even more.

This is when I decide I better intervene. "Calm down guys," I say as I calmly turn off the water, wipe my hands on a towel and walk over to the little black and white kitten who is causing so much chaos. "You two stand over there so he doesn't run that way and I'm going to walk him to the door." I walk toward the kitten and he scurries under a chair, hissing at me. I jiggle the chair to get him moving and he scampers to the door a few feet but when I start to follow he turns and attacks, hissing and screeching as if I had pulled his claws out. This startles me so I scream which not only gets all three of my children screaming but scares the damn cat and it darts away across the kitchen.

And that's when the real fun begins because I can't find that darn thing. I can't find him anywhere. I look throughout the kitchen, bathroom, toy room and living room. No cat. I look upstairs. No cat. All the while my two older kids are following me around and screaming and Lexi is persistently calling, "Up! Up! Up!" while reaching out for me. 

"What are we going to do?!?!" Livi sobs as her and Will huddle together while standing on a chair. Vaguely this reminds me of myself the first time we had a mouse in our house and I laugh a little.

"It's not funny!" Will shrieks as tears are streaming down his cheeks.

"Livi, go call your dad. Will, calm down. He's not going to hurt you and we will find him." I try to reassure them as I lift Lexi out of her high chair. I continue to look for the cat as Will clings to me and Lexi demands to be held. Livi is sobbing on the phone to Brad, "You have to come inside because there is a cat in here and Mommy can't find him!" I can almost hear Brad's heavy sigh on the other side of the line. Livi hangs up and joins our posse as we peer under dressers, desks, couches, chairs. I really can't do this effectively with two children who are panicked and another who just wants some attention.

Sugar following the kids on
a hike. Hope they will still
love him despite the terror
his buddy caused tonight.

Brad comes in the house and I can tell he is not happy. He looks at me, "You lost a cat in here?" 

"I was trying to get him out of the house when he darted past me and I didn't see where he went." I leave out the part about me flippantly letting the kids handle it at first. "The kids are freaked out and I can't really look for him while they are clinging to me." 

Brad grabs a flashlight and marches around the house covering the same territory I already covered. I can tell he's a little exasperated with us all so I corral the kids into the living room. Will sits on my lap and continues to cry, "What if we can't find the cat and I go to sleep and it jumps up on my bed?" I give him a hug and tell him, "We'll find him buddy." And I feel so bad because he's not really afraid of the cats but seeing me scream has put him over the edge. He's definitely afraid of THIS hissy cat that we can't seem to find anywhere. And I start to think, what if we can't find him before bed? And I get a little panicky too!

Just then, Brad calls out, "Found him!" I lock the kids, who have calmed down a little, into the living room with the baby gate. Brad is gingerly pulling my pots and pans out from a cupboard and I hear little hisses coming from deep inside. I must have left a door open when I got a pot out to cook supper. Brad coaxes him out of the cupboard and he orders me to stay in a certain spot. Hmmm...this is the same exact thing I said to the kids. "Don't let him get past you." Yeah, that worked so well the last time.

We manage to get the kitten out of the door with no injuries to human or cat...just lots of hissing. By the time the cat's out the door, the kids are laughing at us like we are lunatics. "Yay! Daddy saved the day!" I applaud as Brad rolls his eyes at me.

So our children are sleeping soundly now that the cat has been released back onto the farm and is no longer terrorizing our house. I'm just wondering if he'll be terrorizing any dreams tonight. Here's hoping we have cat-less dreams and no more intruders tonight.