But, with two late nights we were rewarded with a comp day off work. Perfect! We can sleep in, have a fun birthday breakfast, and have some good quality family time to make up for my absence over the past week. We were going to open presents, talk about their weeks, snuggle....not so much.This morning was a bit of a nightmare. The kids were wired and whiny from not seeing me the past two days. They fought for attention, they fought with each other, they whined for breakfast...they were acting like brats.
After kindly asking them to stop fighting and whining several times I lost it. All I wanted to do today was relax and enjoy my children; my loving children who, for the most part, are good kids. Instead I was yelling and screaming at the brats they were being. And I told them that. I told them I was extremely disappointed in how this morning was going. I told them they were acting like brats. I told them, as I am trying to hold back tears, that I didn't want to see them right now and sent them to their rooms with no electronics for the rest of the day.
And I instantly felt guilty. Guilty for how I talked to them but more than anything, guilty because part of the reason they were acting this way was because they were needing me and my attention.
After about 15 minutes, Will sneaks up into my room and hands me a book he has made for me and it about makes me cry again.
Mom's Fun Book
page 1 ~ 1 Free Massage
page 2 ~ 1 Free Foot Massage
page 3 ~ 1 60 Seconds of Hug of Joy
page 4 ~ 1 Breakfast in Bed
page 5 ~ Hugs From Me for Life
page 6 ~ 1 10 Second Nose Nuzzle
page 7 ~ 15 Minutes of Relaxation
page 8 ~ 15 Minutes of Time with Me
page 9 ~ 20 Minutes of Leaving You Alone (my favorite)
page 10 ~ 1 Free Kiss
In this moment it makes me realize a few things. We all feel guilty as moms. It can't be helped. It makes us feel guilty when we can't be there for field trips or special activities. It makes us feel guilty when we have to put work ahead of our children. It makes us feel guilty when we take a break from them. Today I felt guilty for yelling and screaming at them and for sending them to their rooms and taking away electronics when all I wanted to do was love on them.
But we can't let our guilt get in the way of giving our kids what they need in order to help shape them into good people. Today my kids were brats and they were given consequences for their actions. I would have preferred being able to spend time with them but they needed to realize they can't get away with being disrespectful to me and unkind to their siblings.
What makes me proud of them is they went to their rooms...okay, they went to their rooms and then snuck into each other's rooms...and decided to work together to make this book. This book is their apology for their actions. They aren't mad at me for punishing them. They are sorry for what they have done.
It is hard to hold our children accountable sometimes, especially with all of the guilt we feel at times. But we can't let our guilt get in the way of being good parents and doing what we need to do when our kids are being bad. I hope my kids realize this as they grow and love me despite the fact I dole out punishments. I know I am not a perfect mom...this week I have felt like a terrible mom, but my little present from my kids reassured me that I'm doing alright.