It's been a crazy year around here. We finally made the decision to build a new house after 10 years in our 1890s farmhouse. We started the house in October and the flurry of decision making began leaving me feeling more than a little overwhelmed for a majority of the year.
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My cluttered kitchen bursting at the
seams with junk but also with love |
Finally, in mid-April we were ready to move. And by ready, I mean we decided to move so we could be in the new house before my daughter's First Communion. Nothing was organized, nothing was packed. Since we were literally moving down the lane, we basically piled the essentials (beds, clothes, toys we couldn't live without) into our vehicles and left a gigantic mess at the old house.
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Love was literally written
on the walls |
That old house has created a significant amount of stress for me. We left it in complete disarray. The first week we made several trips back there to pick up more "essentials" we didn't get moved that first weekend. Then our visits began to grow further apart. It became very difficult for me to face that house.
Of course, a huge reason was because I didn't want to face the mess. The piles of junk that remained to sort through were overwhelming and just the thought of cleaning it up was exhausting enough. But, I discovered this weekend, another reason it has been for me to face was I didn't want to see that old house stripped down.
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| Brad and Lexi in their favorite chair |
My husband carried me over the threshold of that house the day after we got married. We brought all three of our children home to that house. We have laughed, cried, fought and loved in that house. It used to be so full of life, the life of our family.
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So many projects done in that
old house |
Yesterday I walked into that house for the first time in about two weeks all by myself. My first instinct was to walk into the living room, plop on the couch and turn on the TV which of course was not there. I sat there on the floor feeling a terrible sadness that this was really the end. When I looked around I could imagine where we all would sit in the evening, Brad in his chair with Lexi on his lap, Livi lying on her stomach on the floor coloring or writing a story, Will jumping off the end of the couch onto me. This would never happen again.
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Hoping the kids will have great
memories of the house and their old
rooms. |
I guess I just wasn't expecting to feel such grief. I've hated that house. It has had a leaky roof, rusting pipes, doors and cabinets that were falling apart, gigantic bugs, and occasional rodents for guests. But I guess I must have loved it more than I thought because yesterday was pretty tough.
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One of my favorite things
about that old house. Every
kid that came to play
thought it was the best! |
I will take a little comfort in the fact I'm taking pieces of that house with me. The kitchen cabinets (which I am not entirely attached to) have made their way into our garage to house the kids' toys, tools, etc. The vent cover that was in the kitchen ceiling (it led up to the kids' bedroom and we loved to talk through it) has already been hung as decor in my new kitchen. Some of the old doors will be re-purposed into a message board, entryway bench, and headboard. Small pieces of a house I apparently had a love-hate relationship with will be present and will hopefully provide reminders of our time there.
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| The last family pic taken in that old house |
So as I strip down that old house I will probably continue to strip away at emotions I didn't realize I was carrying with me through this whole process. I will be sad to see that house go but I know we will soon make our new house a home.
