One at a Time

I got to spend some unexpected one-on-one time with my buddy Willis McGillis tonight. Although I enjoy spending time with all of my kids together, there is just something so special about getting to spend time with each one individually, even if it is just during a trip to Target. Nothing special, I suppose...just a weekly trip to get groceries and the odds and ends we needed at home. But for one little boy I think it was something extra special.

It was special because during our car ride into Cedar Rapids he could talk to me about whatever he wanted to without being interrupted by a toddler crying or an older sister arguing with him about insignificant details in his story. He got to talk to Mommy about the best presents he got and which ones he was going to play with and whom of his friends might like playing with them too. There was no competition of who had the more important thing to say or who could be the loudest while saying it.

It was special because at the store he got to sit in the front of the cart, and then in the back of the cart, and then got to hang off the back like a garbage man and pretend he was putting garbage into the garbage truck. He didn't have to fight over positions with sisters and be told "no" because baby sis "needs that spot." He even got to push the cart for a little bit which was an extra special treat. (I know that doesn't seem so special but it's the small things.)

It was special because he got to load and unload the groceries without having to bicker with big sister about who got to pick up which food, etc., etc. It was special because he got to swipe my card which no one EVER gets to do. It was special because we got to putz around loading groceries into the car instead of me wrangling them into car seats first so I can make sure no one gets stolen or ran over in the parking lot. And it was super special because he got a treat at the drive-thru after our trip was completed.

It was special because for about 2 hours, he got Mommy's undivided attention and since he was alone and there was no arguing and only 1 kid who was doing an outstanding job following directions, he had a mommy who was calm, collected, and even a bit silly. I'd like to spend time with that mommy too!

Willis McGillis showing off his
silly personality that we love so much!

It's nights like these I love. I love being able to really focus on one child at a time so they can feel special and maybe like they are the center of the universe for even a brief amount of time. I love to see each of my children's personalities when they are not competing for my attention and are just enjoying hanging out with their mom.

Nights like these also make me a bit sad. It makes me feel a little sad that I'm not able to do this more often with each of my children. It makes me sad they are growing up so fast and that at some point a trip to Target with mom won't seem so special any more. And it makes me sad, and maybe even a little ashamed that I really am only completely relaxed and, yes, even a bit silly, when I have one child versus three children at the grocery store with me. I would like to think that I typically handle shopping with three kids alright but I do know I feel a lot more exhausted and may lose my temper a bit more after a trip with all three then I did after tonight. 

I hope my kids enjoy spending time with me AND their siblings but I'll take as many of these nights as I can get. Hopefully I can find little opportunities like these more often to share with each of my kids because it was pretty special...especially for me. 

Can't We All Just Get Along?

After reading some posts on Facebook and blogs by other people lately I've been feeling pretty crummy. It's not necessarily what people are posting. People post things for a variety of reasons...to vent, to inform, to express an opinion, to connect with people. I get it. I obviously do these things too. What has really been bothering me is how people respond to posts/blogs. I understand there are people who write things to purposely stir the pot a bit but some people's responses are rude, disrespectful and just plain mean. When I read these things it makes me feel like we have all lost our sense of decency.

This is nothing new, I suppose. For as long as people have lived there most likely have been haters. It just seems so much worse because with social media it's all in your face, all the time. It makes people more willing to say things to others they wouldn't say to their face...except they slap an "LOL" on the end which should make it seem okay. Didn't your mother ever teach you, "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say it at all?"

I know this isn't a new, earth shattering idea. It's just been bothering me a lot lately. I know I could log off, not read it, and not deal with it but that doesn't mean it has stopped happening.

I'm not blaming social media. Social media is great for sharing with friends and family, connecting with people around the world who have similar experiences, and for me, it's been a nice place for me to indulge in writing again. Social media is a mindless tool we use to communicate. Social media is not to blame. People are. We are using and abusing it to bring others down.

I'm all for people debating and learning from one another but I feel like we have all forgotten how to do this civilly. We are all turning into big bullies. How are we supposed to teach our children to be caring and respectful when as adults we are using social media to bully each other just as much? Some of the things I read completely floor me. Not only are people bullying others who post things but others who comment on posts. I read comments that go back and forth until they are so off topic from the original post I think people just want to start a fight. They want to feel like they're right and powerful I guess.

Instead, why can't we use our words in social media, and in life in general, to lift each other up? To show we care about each other? To relate to each other and provide guidance and support? Some people are probably rolling their eyes right now and saying that's not how it works in the real world. In the real world you have to deal with criticism and disappointments. I get it. But why can't we do better?

I can do better. I know I've been guilty of reading posts and rolling my eyes or making comments to my husband. And there are probably times my children have heard me say something I wish I could take back. I'm not perfect but I will try to be better. I will honestly try to provide uplifting words instead of criticizing someone for their point of view. I will try to take on another's perspective before I rush to judge. I will try to be a good example to my children of someone who can be positive and respectful of someone even if I do disagree with them.

Can we end this cycle of hate and bullying? Can't we all just get along?